“After hospital I gave a statement in the police station, but didn’t report that I had been strangled. I wasn’t able to recall it. It wasn’t until later on that night whilst at my sister’s home that I remembered, and it was terrifying.” 

My name is Julie. I experienced a violent assault during the course of my work (A service user attacked me in his home). For part of the assault, I was throttled. Being strangled was a terrifying experience. I truly believed that I was going to die.

I struggled with the assailant, managing to escape from the house and get to a neighbour to raise the alarm. The police and ambulance arrived and I was taken to the local hospital for treatment. I had received a blow to the head that required stitches. The NHS staff were supportive as they encouraged me to talk about what had happened and reassured me that I was safe, which was important as I still thought I was going to die. I couldn’t believe what had happened to me. I was in shock. After hospital I gave a statement in the police station, but didn’t report that I had been strangled. I wasn’t able to recall it. It wasn’t until later on that night whilst at my sister’s home that I remembered, and it was terrifying. I screamed to her that I had been strangled and I was shaking. I called the police to give them this information but I was worried that as I hadn’t reported it initially, it wouldn’t be taken into account, or I wouldn’t be believed, so he wouldn’t be held accountable. The CID visited me the next day to update me on events (his arrest) and to take this additional information. I still couldn’t understand why I didn’t report it initially as it was a hugely traumatising aspect of the assault. How could you forget something like that? It really upset me. I now understand that when we experience trauma, parts of it can be blanked out, acting like a protective feature, as it is so distressing. This is important knowledge as an inability to recall doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. The police recorded my statement of being strangled. The next day I had to go for an MRI scan as I had bleeding in my ear from the head injury. Thankfully it was clear, but I still felt my life was at risk, I was still terrified. I also had to visit a dentist a few days later as I had physical trauma in the face from the assault.

“I still couldn’t understand why I didn’t report it initially as it was a hugely traumatising aspect of the assault. It really upset me. I now understand that when we experience trauma, parts of it can be blanked out, acting like a protective feature, as it is so distressing.”

The next day I could hardly physically move. My neck ached, head hurt, my whole body was so stiff. To this day I struggle with headaches/migraines, neck and shoulder problems. The doctor home visited me and prescribed me medication to manage physical and emotional symptoms. I lay on the couch for about 3 weeks, unable to move, which was more psychological than physical. I couldn’t sleep and in fact never slept a full night in 3 years. I also never cried for a long time about what happened. Numbness and detachment ruled my emotions. Latterly I became angry about what happened to me and was short tempered with others. The first signs of PTSD were when I cut myself shaving in the shower 3-4 weeks later. My first panic attack. The smell of blood was overwhelming. I went to the doctor as it signalled something was wrong with me. My GP was wonderful, talked me through my experiences, commended me for getting out of the situation, prescribed me medication and fast tracked me to psychiatric services for EMDR treatment. I was assessed by a psychiatrist who diagnosed PTSD then I commenced EMDR. The first time I had EMDR it wasn’t too effective, as I think I was still too traumatised and worried about the court case which took 9 months. 9 months of worrying about facing the assailant and having to go to trial as a witness pre-occupied me. I think all of this affected how responsive I was to this treatment. However I did have EMDR a second time, at mine and my GP’s request, and I felt it was successful. I was able to process some of this trauma and place it into a past memory so to speak. This is vital for me when being triggered by the trauma as I apply strategies to distract or root myself into the “here and now” which helps me feel safe. Victim Support were also in contact with me as when serious events like this occur, police involve them as a potential support mechanism. They also helped me by keeping me informed of the court and criminal injuries process. In addition I had to get photographed (for evidence against assailant) which was very hard as it happened very soon after the assault. The CID and police reassured and prepared me on this, explaining how evidence of my injuries were crucial to conviction. They couldn’t believe I got myself out of the situation, again commending me for my strength to survive. Compression in the neck and blood vessel marks were picked up along with numerous bruising, swelling, head trauma from photographs. My friend helped me that day to muster up the courage to be photographed, which was vital as it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

“My GP was wonderful, talked me through my experiences, commended me for getting out of the situation, prescribed me medication and fast tracked me to psychiatric services for EMDR treatment.”

I always felt that the assailant should have been charged with attempted murder. Although I was satisfied with the sentence given, the fact that I suffered strangulation always remained with me as this was a crucial point in the attack where I had to really fight to survive as he was intending to end my life I believe. I reckoned the charge should have reflected that. I remember thinking “This is it, it’s over” when fighting for breath. I nearly passed out and suffered a swollen tongue from the severity of being strangled. Restriction to breath is horrifying as you have no control and you think you will die. The memory of it lasts with you, it is so profound. Strangulation is utterly violating, life threatening and ends lives. That’s why I thought he should have been charged with attempted murder. Why strangle someone if you don’t want them dead? I am fortunate as I fought back and survived.

As time went on my mental health suffered. I had symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, nightmares and mood swings. At one point I didn’t want to go on. My self-worth was at rock bottom as someone had wanted me dead and this really impacted on me. I continued with GP and psychiatric services support for a couple of years. I don’t have as many nightmares or flashbacks but some smells and environments can trigger stress and anxiety. I continue to learn how to manage them. I am still hyper-vigilant (easily startled which is embarrassing) and can have low mood as well as being socially avoidant and wary of crowded and new environments. I also struggle with enclosed spaces and fear being locked in as I was locked in the house during the attack.

“Understanding how life-threatening strangulation is and the lasting physical and emotional impact of it on those who survive is important knowledge for professionals. Such knowledge can influence how they support and respond to survivors.”

From sharing my experience, I want to let others know how traumatic the experience of strangulation is. It often ends with death but when you survive it you are left with the physical and emotional impact of having to fight for breath which is a terrifying experience. By understanding how life-threatening strangulation is and the lasting physical and emotional impact of it on those who survive is important knowledge for professionals as such knowledge can influence how they support/respond to survivors, knowing the impact. I also feel that strangulation is an uncomfortable subject to talk about as it is so violating. I don’t think it is an easy experience to share, let alone expect others to understand. My family and friends were affected too as they saw what I went through but I have never shared the depth of hopelessness and terror I felt. I don’t want them to hear that, hence how professional support can provide an outlet to share that family and friends can’t. Also, as the ability to recall strangulation may be delayed, because it is trauma, can provide further comprehension of it from a trauma perspective which can also inform professional responses. As I mentioned earlier, if it isn’t recalled immediately, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and being believed is important for recovery. Professionals can be a crucial part of recovery when they respond in the best way at the right time. When they know how and when to respond to such trauma, this can help you to recover.

“If it isn’t recalled immediately, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and being believed is important for recovery.”

Written by Julie | Survivor